I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
