so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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