I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
