went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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