Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
