it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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