hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
