what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
