Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
