i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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