i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
