i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
