forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
