walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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