He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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