just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize