i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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