i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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