every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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