need another drink. this is the easiest way
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My penis needs a shock collar
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize