shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
