I feel like abortions should bother me more
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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