3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
