lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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