Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
