There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
