Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
