pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
