All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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