Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
