Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I party with great urgency now.
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