I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
