yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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