TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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