His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
