So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
how drunk are you?
Several
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
