FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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