Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
