i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
