Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize