I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
