apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
