Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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