In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
