apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Randomize
