Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
