a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
