need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
