thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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