Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
