I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
