You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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