i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
