Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sobbing to NWA
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
