Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
