barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
