rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
