i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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