So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
