THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
what day is it and did you see me today?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
