i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
