i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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