I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
