If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
