smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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