I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
